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Dear Listmates,
I
am still smiling at the misunderstanding that resulted in MY birthday
being brought to the attention of this list!!! Although such things are
seldom an item of discussion, let me say that it is great to belong to
a support group where either the most accurate science information and
personal events are shared and where emotions and mental support have
the same weight and people's dedication as the most important medical
discoveries.
As
caregiver of my beloved 20 years old Gister daughter, Claudia, and as
breast cancer survivor myself, I am so grateful I am here, celebrating
my (let me whisper now) f-i-f-t-y-f-i-r-s-t birthday with my family and
friends. Actually, it takes a few seconds for me to realize my age
every time I need to write it down or say it, because I feel more like
a grown-up "girl" rather than a certain aged lady!
Last
year, Feb. 4, 2004, I could not celebrate: I was in the middle of my
chemotherapy treatment, following my breast cancer surgery which
occurred in Summer 2003. I remember nothing of my birthday last year. I
am sure I received flowers and presents from my daughters, siblings and
friends, even more so because I was the "sick one". I think I removed
all those days from my mind. All I remember is that chemo was heavy on
me, the only thing that helped me was lying in bed and sleep, because
it was the only way not to throw up. I was bold, without eyelashes and
eyelids, thanking God that whatever it may happen, my Claudia, with her
Gist, would never have to experience such a terrible therapy.
One
year after, my world seems completely different: I am well, my cancer
is "in remission" (for breast cancer oncologists), or NED (in the
Gisters' language), my hair has grown back nice and curly, I am in good
shape. Most importantly, my daughter has been NED for the last 50
months, we care about each other. Claudia is 20 and half of her life
has been spent in the company of Gist, since she had her first stomach
surgery at the age of 10.
When
she was in hospital at 10 years old, crying at the sight of any doctor
moving in her direction, and then again at the age of 16, not crying
this time but staring in silence at the ceiling from her bed, I could
only pray for God to put an end to all that. I was asking Him to stop
challenging Claudia and have my life instead. I was trying to trade my
existence with hers, as if the Lord were a cruel divinity demanding
one's life in exchange of another. I knew it did not work that way and
any religious person would have shivered at my prayers, but I had
nothing else to pray for.
That
is why, in June 2003, I was not surprised when my breast cancer was
diagnosed. Was it a familiar destiny or the answer to my prayers? I
can't know. All I know is that today I am grateful to be here and that
Claudia is well and NED. To celebrate my birthday, Claudia, my younger
daughter, Silvia, and I are going to the theater to see My Fair Lady
musical this afternoon. I know for sure it will be a lovely show and
that we are going to spend a wonderful day together. I have no idea
were the three of us will be, or how we will be, in one year time or in
10 years time. The only certainty is today.
I am feeling happy and in peace with the world.
And,
if a couple of tears will want to drop even today, I will manage to
have them fall when the theater is in the dark, during the show.
I
have vented more than I meant, I must rush otherwise we'll be late for
the musical. It is a privilege for me to belong to this list and to
know all of you, great people! I hope one day I can fly to your
wonderful county and get to meet each of you.
